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[Jul. 6th, 2009|06:17 pm] |
It must be shit training to be a sumo wrestler and then finding out you're crap at it.
You're just left obese and sad. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 2nd, 2009|03:08 pm] |
I walked through a car park today and noticed signs reading NO BALL GAMES. I wonder what games are allowed? A bettter sign would be THIS IS FOR CARS FUCK THE FUCK OFF IF YOU'RE NOT A CAR.
Sweating like a pig. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 23rd, 2009|09:35 pm] |
Today I witnessed a friend grip his penis, charge at a herd of cows and piss on one of them.
There may be pictures. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 19th, 2009|11:10 am] |
I have packed a dozen comics, a half bottle of Dagestani cognac and a box of painkillers.
HELLO WEEKEND |
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| Forthcoming attractions |
[Jun. 17th, 2009|11:46 pm] |
This weekend may turn out to be epic, slow-release shit. It's my mum's 60th birthday so they're having a party down in Kirkcudbright, the wee place I grew up that they are currently in the process of moving back to. It's quite nice, look -
In fact here's a house in the street where I lived til I was five. It might even be the same house - http://www.dgspc.co.uk/schedule/20845.pdf
Anyway. it's going to be a bit odd in that I'll be stuck in a small village for a few days with my parents, Geordie friends of my dad whose abiding memory of me will be my habit of pissing the bed when I was 7, Kirkcudbright people who have not seen me since I was 5 and will be undoubtedly disappointed and my Irish aunt and cousin who, though I get on with fairly well, seem to think of me as devastatingly posh. I'm not always great with multiple audiences especially when everyone will be on different spectrums of drunk.
One person I am fairly interested to meet is one of our old neighbours. I didn't really pick up on it at the time what with being five, but in retrospect I think it's clear he was a massive homme. I remember him as being very fey. He must be about 50 or 60 now and still lives with his mother. Maybe I am stereotyping.
I find it quite curious that he was/is a friend of my parents who have never been what you could call comfortable with gay people. I think between my brother and myself we forced them to at least directly consider some issues but still. My dad is an uptight mummy's boy who was in the army for 22 years and therefore not someone at ease with sexuality in any form. Marrying my Irish Catholic (and insane) mother probably didn't help. They say I was an 'accident'. By that I think they mean they somehow fell down the stairs together in 1983 and I was the result.
Anyway. I asked about this old neighbour a while back..asked them if they thought he was gay. They said maybe he was and that it was his own business which seemed almost a nice response in a way even though in younger people I'd tut. I know some people bawl and rage about the glacial slowness of those without liberal arts degrees to get on board with the PC agenda, but even 'normal' people are trapped between expectation and circumstance.
I wouldn't be at all surprised if my parents, odd and cloistered as they are, never thought of this neighbour as being gay when they lived there and were his friend but I think they are a smidge more knowing these days. I find it reassuring that little convulsions occur over time that lead to changes inside and out. Convulsions that reveal without breaking a million little secret histories. |
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| I was practically bawwing at this last night |
[Jun. 14th, 2009|04:03 pm] |
I'm sorry if I doubted your good heart
Things always seem to end before they start
Fuckin' bawwwww.
I have less beautiful, elegaic words to impart. I went to the lavatory in uni the other day and as I looked down to pee, I noticed that someone had left a sort of rhombus of poo residue on the rear of the toilet seat. I wondered what the best etiquette would be if you were the type of person to commit yourself to a public fitting like that. Allowing the Eye of Sauron to remain unmolested would seem the most disgusting option, but then again what scope would someone have to make it more sanitary given just paper and toilet water? It would be but an illusion.
Do you have an opinion? |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 4th, 2009|12:46 pm] |
I love this with the fire of a thousand suns -
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| I hate groups like Plane Stupid |
[Apr. 27th, 2009|04:37 pm] |
News story about how police pay informants within direct action anti-air travel group Plane Stupid -
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8017896.stm
And the Guardian is predictably incensed and has the tapes here -
http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/audio/2009/apr/24/police-surveillance-intelligence-1
I ACTUALLY KNOW THE PERSON IN THE STORY AND ON THE TELLY THERE. Well I used to anyway. She's IMMENSELY POSH. Very very very loaded. I met her through the charity group I worked with in Nepal so I know for a cast iron fact that she's been on very many long haul flights to India and other far flung places, ostensibly to help the kiddies, but probably mainly to 'find herself' and pretend to be cool with non white people and stuff.
The story itself angers me in that hand-wringing hypocritical Guardian-reading cunts feel it's notable at all. Protesting the G20 (what does that even mean? Protesting against the existence of rich countries?), smashing up a wonderful, nurturing McDonalds franchise...and illegally delaying the flights of poor cunts who just want to go to Spain to get wasted and lobstery are all forms of Good crime it seems. The police ought not to pursue criminality pursued for reasons of middle class poserdom. Go after the real criminals. The ones that actually take drugs and enjoy them, or steal when they feel they actually need to.
Anyway. I don't speak to Tilly anymore. I fancied her a bit and escorted her to gay clubs when she was keen on becoming a lesbian but I don't think that worked out. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 13th, 2009|02:47 am] |
Going Friends Only for a bit. To comfort those deprived, here is a happy picture;
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 11th, 2009|06:22 am] |
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I think I will start a new romantic band called Vanity Project. By myself. In my head. |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 15th, 2009|08:30 pm] |
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I have an odd compulsion to phone up a takeaway and ask 'can I get a rewind?'. |
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| Here are some lyrics I like because I am 14 |
[Feb. 10th, 2009|06:23 pm] |
Should we scratch our eyes out in denial?
Should we tear our hearts out, force a smile?
Will I ever get from A to B so unrehearsed?
From Shoebox Song by theaudience, Sophie Ellis Bextor's old band. It's not on youtube but HERE IS THEIR BIG HIT -
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 9th, 2009|05:49 pm] |
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I got challenged to a snowball fight earlier by a couple of youths. I DEMURRED which was a good thing because when I got home I found my fly was down. I'm not sure how it happened but running around throwing snow at children with my wan penis bobbing up and down and out and around would have been a fairly poor look. Another new low avoided. I count this as a success. |
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| My subconscious hates me |
[Feb. 4th, 2009|03:03 pm] |
I had a dream last night about having awkward sex with Wendy Richard. Wendy Richard the 65 year old actress currently riddled with happy fun bone cancer. I had to stop for a pee which started to emerge as soon as my gland had withdrawn from her addled vagoo. I tried to mask the pee with a duvet but it just got soaked. The dream ended with me in the corner naked, covered in piss and being judged by a terminally ill old lady.
:( |
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stylishbastard's journal
